What If?
by nomdeplum9
Summary: What if I had never let you go? Would you be the one I used to know? What if I had never walked away? 'Cause I still love you, more then words can say..." Huddy post-ep for Under My Skin


_**What If?**_

_**By nomdeplum9**_

_**Started/Finished May 7**__**th**__**, 2009**_

_**Not mine!**_

_Here I stand alone_

_With this weight upon my heart_

_And it will not go away_

_In my head I keep on looking back_

_Right back to the start_

_Wondering what it was that made you change_

Lisa hadn't helped him just to kiss him, again.

.

Greg hadn't detoxed just to get her back into his bed.

Her heart was heavy with the ramifications of just being there, of accepting his need for her and admitting that she was willing to put aside her own child to help him. She can't remember ever feeling what she'd felt for him so long ago for any other human being. It was like he was a part of her, had been for a long time.

Amber, part of his mind, he couldn't keep track anymore, had warned him against needing her. He had been alone, always alone, except when he had been with her so long ago. When he had seen the pill in his bathroom, he couldn't work up the nerve to send her away, to admit defeat. What people thought didn't matter to him, but for all of his arguing and taunts he hated hurting her.

She could see how the years had changed him, probably better then anyone else. When she had first met him, he was cocky, arrogant, a ladies' man. He had made no attempts to hide his genius, much like today. Today, though, he was darker, and didn't laugh as much. Twenty years ago, she had been proud of her way to make him laugh. She hadn't heard his laugh in so long.

He knew that woman more then she could care to admit, going all the way back to his now-muddled memories of Endocrinology class his second year of med school. Her drive and determination hadn't changed one bit in twenty years and her passion was stronger then ever. What he could recall, quite vividly, was that she smiled, laughed, and relaxed more back then. She had been quicker to joke and deflect his sarcasm with a witty retort of her own. She hadn't seemed as jaded.

_Well I tried but I had to draw the line_

_And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

_What if I had never let you go?_

_Would you be the one I used to know?_

_If I stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time_

_But I guess we'll never know_

Michigan University, twenty years ago…higher hair, weirder fashion choices, and crazy music. Greg House was enrolled in the med school there, suffering through mindless classes and trying to get by. He probably partied too much, was a legendary flirt, and was rumored to either be a genius or out of his mind.

Lisa Cuddy was an undergraduate, a Biology major, spending all of her time studying, going to class, or running. She rarely went to parties, much to the chagrin of her roommate. She, like every other female on campus, was aware of Greg House and his wandering eyes, but she had yet to meet him. Her RA had mentioned that he had joined her Endocrinology class and suggested that she come sit in on one of the classes to meet him. She had snuck into the back of the lecture hall, taking doodles and preparing a cover story should anyone bother her, but the mysterious man had merely reclined in his chair and napped.

Against her better judgment, her roommate had talked her into going to weekly party on Greek Row on campus. Her roommate had ditched her just after getting through the door and she had been left on her own, playing with a bracelet and thinking about a paper she had to write.

"I don't know you, but I need you to hold my hand and laugh with me, just for a few minutes. Psycho bitch ex-girlfriend is heading our way," a man said, and when she turned to face him she was captured by his blue eyes.

"Lisa Cuddy," she offered politely, holding out her hand for a handshake. Quickly, he grabbed her hand with his left and pulled her to his side.

"Greg House," he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth before turning to an angry blonde now standing before them.

"Greg, who is this?" she asked, and Lisa felt her IQ dropping just listening to her.

"My girlfriend, Maria. Just like I said," he said.

"Her? Really? I mean come on, just look at her!"

"Lisa here is a regular partypants, Maria, and I couldn't be happier. Now go," he ordered, and to emphasize his point he pulled her even closer, slipping an arm around her waist. She decided to play along.

"Ooh, Greg, you know this is my favorite song!" she cooed, smiling up at him as a new song blasted over the radio. "Dance with me?"

"Of course. Excuse us," he smirked to the blonde and twirled her into the group of people dancing. As the blonde stalked off, she was tempted to pull away, to escape the possibly insane man before her, but one more look at his face and she was sold.

_Many roads to take_

_Some to joy, some to heartache_

_Anyone could lose their way_

_And if I said that we could turn it back_

_Right back to the start_

_Would you take the chance and make the change_

They had remained friends for the rest of his time at the school, never quite dating but always together. She had been at his graduation, representing his family, and had been his official date to his graduation party. That night, that one night, she had been completely his. She had stayed that way, long after she dropped him off at the airport and said goodbye. She had managed not to shed a single tear until she had been back at her apartment, curled up in bed, snuggling in his oversized university sweatshirt. She mourned a love lost that she hadn't even realized she had had.

He had never intended in staying in Michigan. It was against his nature to stay in one place. He had considered staying, for Lisa, but in the end his need to venture out in the world had overcome any emotion that he might've felt. It could easily be decided that he had lost his way, straying farther and farther away from the dark-haired beauty that he had left behind. Memories of her followed him, strong at first, but as the world retaliated at him the memories grew dim. He got bitter, bounced around from job to job, and heard of her from time to time. She had done extremely well, and it made him think of what his life could've been like if he'd stayed with her.

_Do you think how it would've been sometimes?_

_Do you pray that I'd never left your side?_

_What if I had never let you go?_

_Would you be the one I used to know?_

_If I stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time_

_But I guess we'll never know…_

_Oh, we'll never know_

_I guess we'll never know_

Life had changed both of them, they both recognized the instant he had become her patient almost ten years ago. His orbit had brought him back to her, but it wasn't the Lisa he knew. Cuddy, as she now answered to, was a no-nonsense doctor that existed for her job. House was tired, willful, and done with the roaming part of his life.

Lisa was well on her way to becoming the Dean of Medicine.

House was with Stacy.

His leg hurt.

_If only we could turn the hands of time_

_If I could take it back, would you still be mine?_

'_Cause I tried but I had to draw the line_

_And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind_

Lisa hadn't meant to hurt him by cutting out his thigh. She had tried to save him, so hard. He would be the worst patient she'd ever treat. She had hated to lie to him. To this day, she regrets all of the pain and hurt she'd caused. She would never want to change him, despite the sarcastic grump he had become. She only wished that she could take away his pain.

Looking back, House regrets the absolute bastard he had been in the months after his surgery. He had pushed Stacy out, but Cuddy had been resilient, coaching and treating him even after her promotion. When he had checked out, she had offered him his own department, a poor consolation prize for crippling him, he had thought. Looking back, he was happy that he had chosen to stay by her.

_What if I had never let you go?_

_Would you be the one I used to know?_

_What if I had never walked away?_

'_Cause I still love you, more then words can say_

_If I stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time_

_But I guess we'll never know_

_We'll never know_

She hadn't intended on sleeping with him, no more then she had intended on opening her heart to him twenty years ago. She couldn't say for sure she had ever closed it. Deep in her heart, she knew she loved him. She could imagine him in her life, romantically, but this latest flirtation with that idea could make or break them both.

He had been right when he admitted that he always wanted to kiss her. She had planned on kissing him goodbye, but instead he had chosen to begin all over again. She had been offering herself to him for months, ever since she had lost her first baby. He still loved her, more then he was willing to admit.

She could be his again if she stayed.

He could be hers again if he tried.

If not, then they'd never know.

_Read, review, should it continue? Oh, hey, I rhymed. Song is "What If" by Rhydian, featuring Idina Menzel. Thanks for reading!_


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